more drawings fr/ thesis

"Queen"

30 inches wide by 24 inches high

Graphite on paper

Finished artwork fr/ thesis

"Dancin' Devil"

54 inches wide by 114 inches high

Layered Graphite and graphite powder on paper

Works in progress

Artist Statement

What happens when a woman expresses rage?

My drawings seek to confront the notion of a woman’s appropriate behavior in society, and how the boundaries have shifted since the 19^th century.

Victorian society preferred its women to be passive, soothing, and ready to keep domestic peace.  If not, they may have been labeled hysterical, mad, or disturbed, with potentially dire consequences.

My distorted self-portraits in Victorian-era costume are drawn from a side of my emotional landscape that I have rarely let myself explore – an angry, contorted, and ugly place.  Though drawn in the traditional medium of graphite on paper, they counter the ancient concept of portraiture as flattery and beautiful resemblances.

Exploring feminine rage through line, mark, shadow, and form, I discover a certain beauty in the making, and deep emotional connection to the subject, where the mask of perceived acceptability is lifted, and a new, more authentic beauty, in expressions normally suppressed, is revealed. It is my hope that these portraits let me embrace, in a new light, this dark, angry side of myself.

New work from winter '09

"Pinhole"

24 inches wide by 30 inches high

Graphite and graphite powder on paper

"Amazon"

30 inches wide by 24 inches high

Graphite on paper

Semi-Large Drawings

"Untitled"

30 inches wide by 50 inches high

Graphite on paper

"Elfin Fury"

24 inches wide by 30 inches high

Graphite on paper

Quick December collages

Drawings from November

More Drawings from October

From August photo shoot

Journal Excerpts 8/08

It seems that my previous post is not formatting the way I have it in the original Word file. Being a novice at this whole blog/internet thing, I have yet to make my post look the way it's supposed to from the "Create New Post" window. Two weeks ago I posed in my new Victorian outfit and arranged a photo shoot with 2 fabulous portrait photographers from AIB. I'm awaiting the results and will post them here next week. Wearing the long skirt, puffy, high-collared blouse and snug vest made me feel very lady-like and proper. I wanted to speak differently, as if acting like an 18th century aristocrat. Without a corset I didn't feel as over-heated with all of the clothing as I originally thought. By the end of the 4 hours though, I was indeed exhausted as the skirt was heavy to drag around. I have a new appreciation for actors as well. I wanted to express fear, anger and frustration in the different poses from my story board, but had a hard time feeling the emotions intensely. The toy snake was more cute than frightening, and it was difficult not to laugh and be silly. While waiting for the final photos, I've been working on my scary Victorian wallpaper. I've posted a scan of the original drawing that will be used for a border on the wall. Next week I'll post photos of the rest of the wallpaper as I finish it.

Journal Excerpts 7/08 - 8/08

7/7/08

What are we afraid of? Ophidiophobia, the intense fear of snakes, has plagued me since age 4. "This phobia is created by the unconscious mind as a protective mechanism following an event linking snakes and emotional trauma, or seeing someone else experience trauma."1 In 1970 I saw my father pull a nest of squirming garter snakes out from our porch drain, and as my mother shrieked in terror, I too, became afraid. In our terrorist-filled world, we are afraid of dying. As women, the fear of rape is forever in the back of our minds. As an artist, I'm fearful of failure, offending the wrong person, or being ridiculed. In scary times, past and present, how do people cope? Do we face our fears or run away? Monsters are a universal symbol of fear. In their various manifestations, they haunt our dreams and appear in our lives. The American Heritage Dictionary defines a monster as "1) an imaginary creature that combines parts from various animal or human forms and having a strange or frightening appearance, 2) an animal or other organism having structural defects or deformities, 3) an infant or fetus that is grotesquely abnormal and usually not viable."2 Having never made a monster in my life, the small pencil drawing of a dragon-lizard creature descending on a sleeping woman appeared out of nowhere. Why did I draw it? There was something about that image and its unknown origin that intrigued me. Would she be all right? Why was the monster attacking? Or is she just having a nightmare? After seeing my series of hybrid monsters during this past residency, I heard the word "crazy" from my peers a number of times. This made me question my audience impact and ask what I needed to change in the drawings. "Cute," "sad eyes," "well drawn," "confusing," and "very cool but non-threatening" were other comments. Did I want to instill fear? Provoke curiosity? Ultimately I've decided to explore the relationship between my monsters and myself. And what about this fear of snakes that has dogged me since age 4? I've pondered the psychological implications and have found a few interesting parallels. Freud interprets the snake in dreams as a phallic symbol.3 Could my fear of snakes reflect a fear of men? Some men are monsters in reality, but what about my internal monsters? Inside I'm always afraid of men who rape, and of snakes that suddenly reveal themselves. Freud believes that dreams allow us the freedom to do and feel acts that would be unthinkable in our waking life. He also said that our deepest fears confront us in dreams. With this philosophy in mind, I recalled a childhood dream that I've never forgotten. As a child in the dream I stood on top of a picnic table in our backyard gripping a large ax with both hands. I was surveying the remains of a giant anaconda that I had just massacred. The creature's circumference was that of a truck tire, and it was laying coiled around half of the picnic table. One sliced-open mass displayed a cross-section of the snake's bones and internal organs neatly and cleanly as if frozen. I noticed one part of the snake was still moving slightly, and I raised the ax above my head for one more strike. At this moment terror seized me and I shrieked and woke up. If only Freud were alive today to interpret this scene! Another, more pleasant, childhood memory involves my great, great grandmother. She, and some of her 11 children (my great aunts and uncles), my grandmother, and my parents would gather for a meal every Saturday night. Bupcha was so old and wrinkly to my young eyes and I was often afraid of her. My relatives would bring out all the old photo albums filled with images of her in her Victorian dresses, stiff and unmoved. The pictures didn't resemble the old, smiling woman across from me, eating peeled hot dogs and leaning on her cane. I was absolutely fascinated with the photographs and puzzled by the aging process. Presently I remain obsessed with the Victorian age and fearful of my own aging. Then, and now, I wondered how my great, great grandmother endured her hard life while wearing all of those layers of clothes. I marvel at the Victorian woman's resiliency and their resolve to persevere under such oppressive circumstances. Why do I identify so strongly with the women of this time? Am I lured by the romantic illusion of their grace, goodness and proper life style? What were they afraid of? What were they hiding under all of those layers of clothing? Were they, like I, taught to be wary of men and hide their sexuality? The style of Victorian women's costumes hides every inch of skin except their hands and face. The patriarchal culture of that era, and in some modern day cultures as well, covers women's bodies so as to avoid tempting men. Men were protecting themselves from themselves and their own uncontrollable sexual desire. The myth that they were able to do this is portrayed in idyllic images of the Gibson Girl coyly brushing off the attentions of a male suitor. I've considered the possibility that I was one of these Gibson Girls in a past life. How else could I identify with these women? Other similarities could be modest, conservatively dressed, graceful and appearing put together. I also dislike negative attention from men who objectify me.  Why do I still wish, after all of my analysis and self-awareness, to kill snakes? I felt smugly satisfied and triumphant in my violent, childhood dream, yet my first reaction is to run away screaming at encountering one? Where has my self-empowerment gone? Hacking that monstrous anaconda up into sections like it was a giant jellyroll could stand for my wish to castrate rapists. Is this my truth? Why am I still afraid of snakes?  It may be their potential to harm me. Most snakes are harmless, but many can kill. Most men don't threaten me, but many are predators with the ability to kill. I still feel unclear how these concepts are related, and if so, is that enough to express in an artwork? 7/20/08 The fear of snakes = fear of the penis, of sex, of men, of power of men to impregnate women, fear of rape What am I afraid of? Snakes; rape, being attacked; being beat up; dying; dying alone; getting old; death in my immediate family; depression; war close to home; serious illness; becoming homeless; getting pregnant; close family member or friend experiencing violence or trauma; falling from a high place; failing as an artist; feeling public humiliation What do I consider gross, disgusting or repulsive? Snakes mating; millions of insects covering me; dark haired bodies (male or female); semen; feces; tripe; snakes inside someone's intestines; skinning a snake; cooking and eating rattlesnakes; a python or anaconda squeezing or eating an animal; the smell or urine; large rolls of fat on an obese person; discolored and hairy skin growths; accidentally touching rotting, slimy food; running face first into a large spider web with a giant spider in it; a filthy public toilet; bumping into a sweaty, smelly person in a close public space (like on a train or bus or in a crowd); stepping into a pile of wet seaweed with bare feet; having a bug fly into my mouth; brushing up against someone's greasy acne on their face or back; seeing someone's yellow, crusty, splintered, thick toenails... 7/25/08 Snakes move in a very foreign and strange way. The human instinct is to be afraid of snakes, even if they are harmless. This reflects a genetic memory because our species knows what to fear, and in the past and today some snakes are poisonous and dangerous.4 A caduceus: This is the wand of the Roman god Mercury, with 2 serpents twined around it and having wings at the top. This is also a symbol of the medical profession. (Oxford American Dictionary) When snakes shed their dead skins are they healed and ready for a new life? Women fear snakes with teeth, or the penis, which could be rape. Men fear the vagina with teeth, (vagina dentate) which could be castration. Men and women are afraid of each other sexually. Each brings their own sexual power, which can be terrifying to the other. 8/4/08 Today I drew 3 or 4 versions of a most hideous creature. He has a penis for a nose, a snake coming out of his ear, and ugly little teeth. He kept evolving until I was able to incorporate him into a Victorian wallpaper border. Using images of snakes and Victorian wallpaper designs, I sketched out a pattern that can be repeated along a strip of paper. Ellen Harvey's voice keeps echoing in my ear..."How good can you make your drawing?" 8/12/08 A few days ago I completed the wallpaper pattern for the border which I imagine will run along the top of the wall. It is drawn with pencil, HB, 2B, and 6B hardness', and on thick, 120 lb. paper. I am fairly pleased with how it came out. My next task/problem is to figure out a way to flip it so that it repeats on both sides without having to draw it again.

Semester 2 work

Artist Foundation Exhibit 4-26-08

"Monster #1 & #2" Graphite on paper NFS

Recent collages

Recent collages

Older Mixed Media artworks

"1919" 5 inches by 6 inches Mixed Media on Canvas NFS

Artists I've looked at

Lesley Dill Betye Saar Rosamond Purcell Mary Kay Weems Mary Giehl at the Chase Gallery on Newbury St. Sarah Kahn at the Soprafina Gallery on 450 Harrison Ave., Boston M.L. Van Nice at the Bromfield Gallery, 450 Harrison Ave., Boston Fran Forman at the Joy Street Studios in Somervillle Max Payne at the concord Library Gallery

Small works

"Spoon #3" 5 inches square x 2 inches deep Mixed Media on wood NFS

Small works

"Little Man" 5.5 inches square Mixed media on wood $150

"Out of Doors" mixed media on wood panel 11" square $250

"Friends" mixed media on wood panel 11" square $250

and "Mother"

same size & price